I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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