so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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