You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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