What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
