his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
3 2 1 whiskey
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
