Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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