How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
