I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
