omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
