Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
