Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
