Barsexuality is the new black.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
