if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
