I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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