I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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