i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think a kid would responsible me up
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How drunk are you?
Completed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
