She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
