Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
