I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
