meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
