How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
