I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
