How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
