she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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