no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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