Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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