these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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