Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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