Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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