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How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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