Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
