Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize