Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
