Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i will never coherently bang her
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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