Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize