A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
