The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
