I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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