Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
