She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
