Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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