My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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