I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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