I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
