And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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