i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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