One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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