I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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