how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
