just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
