"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
