My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
