I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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