u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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