His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
