His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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