Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
bring money and cleavage
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
