I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
