grandma shit on top of the toilet
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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