he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
