I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
