I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
