My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize