And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
