I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
