Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
