Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
