Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
