if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
