The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
