I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
