Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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