pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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