i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
