when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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