I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
