My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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